is there a problem?

I'm not even going to start off trying to sound poetic, or trying to phrase words in ways other can't understand.

I want to say things for me, so I can feel I let them out. Today I woke up not wanting to get up, not wanting to eat, not wanting to talk to anyone, but just wishing to be alone.

I promise I'm trying to keep my head up, more than ever, but without you I'm beginning to feel empty. I'm beginning to feel as if my feelings keep getting worse by the second, & it's frightening.

With every text, or with every phone call, I prepare myself to not break down. I never thought I'd be speaking of you this way.

Before I went to sleep last night, I asked myself if you my dear friend believed in God. I want to know if you're with him. She must be with him.

I know that all of you guys are having problems as well, meaning you have no strength to help me out this time. I'm sorry I can't be there for you guys either.

I feel as if this week has been my whole summer. I feel as if the past month went by to fast, & I want it back. Once a mistake has been made towards someone who can't afford anymore hurt, it's done.

I promised, if not you, then nobody else. No, not right now.

There is definately a problem.


I wish I had you.
I wish I knew if she was walking by Gods side.
I wish you guys didn't have to go through this.
I wish I would stop scaring myself.


I never really believe in miracles.
I never really believed wishing would change anything.

Always -182.

You know, that song? You have to.

"I've been here a few times",
but never with you.

"And your hands they shake the goodbyes;
And I'll take you back if you have me",
now it's the opposite, I miss you.

"And I'll miss your laugh, your smile",
that smile..

"I'll admit I'm wrong if you tell me",
memories?

"I'm so sick of fights, I hate them",
I'm sorry.

"Lets start this again, for real",
I ruined my chance.


Hold you, touch you, feel you, kiss you, taste you all night;

ifuckedup...right?

i killed my own self.

& i feel like dying

"im sittin' on the clouds I got smoke commin' out the seatsss"

!@#$%^&*

i really don't like to lie.

you make me happy, honest.

don't you quote me.

"Just because they can make you smile, dosen't mean they make it better. Just because you feel you're in love, dosen't mean you don't need anyone else..."

too slow!

I need a fast modernization.

To be completely honest, late I've been feeling angry for no reason; I feel like the person I once was. The clues that I've gathered all make sense, but I don't want them to. I mean, in a couple of months it'll be a year already that you can say I've been being guided the right way. I felt saved by Jesus Christ a couple of months ago, but now I feel far apart. I keep telling myself that I'll build that bond I had with him again, I always say "tomorrow", then there's another "tomorrow", and nothing. I know I can be trying harder.

That's reason number 1.

To be completely honest, it took more than the help of a best friend, or a sister, but of someone I once thought would always be there. Everything is gone, and I feel fine about it. Now it's the fact that I didn't get to say "thank you" enough. You can possibly say that's killing me. I'm a horrible person.

That's reason number 2.

To be completely honest, I hate the judgement, all of the misunderstanding, and all of the repitition. Everytime, it's the same thing. You feel invincible, it goes down to happiness, down to just being content, down to saying you're okay, until you reach denial. That denial tortures you.

That's reason number 3.

To be completely honest, I believe in books. Not so long ago I read a book that refers to a certain addiction as a "monster". It's against who I was before, but as I said, sometimes I feel like the person I once was. Well, at least I think I do. All of the sin in the world is tempting, but my honesty pushes it off.

That's reason number 4.

To be completely honest, someone can make you feel better than others, but no one can ever make you smile everytime. I once wrote, "Everyday I wake up with a certain roll. I wake up with the roll of the girl with the brilliant smile. Everytime I frown or cry, they all walk out of my performance. Everytime I smile, they applaud." My problem is my desire of hearing others applaud rather than have myself be happy with my own performance.

There are never enough reasons.

1985-2009:

RIP..

Time Out.