too slow!

I need a fast modernization.

To be completely honest, late I've been feeling angry for no reason; I feel like the person I once was. The clues that I've gathered all make sense, but I don't want them to. I mean, in a couple of months it'll be a year already that you can say I've been being guided the right way. I felt saved by Jesus Christ a couple of months ago, but now I feel far apart. I keep telling myself that I'll build that bond I had with him again, I always say "tomorrow", then there's another "tomorrow", and nothing. I know I can be trying harder.

That's reason number 1.

To be completely honest, it took more than the help of a best friend, or a sister, but of someone I once thought would always be there. Everything is gone, and I feel fine about it. Now it's the fact that I didn't get to say "thank you" enough. You can possibly say that's killing me. I'm a horrible person.

That's reason number 2.

To be completely honest, I hate the judgement, all of the misunderstanding, and all of the repitition. Everytime, it's the same thing. You feel invincible, it goes down to happiness, down to just being content, down to saying you're okay, until you reach denial. That denial tortures you.

That's reason number 3.

To be completely honest, I believe in books. Not so long ago I read a book that refers to a certain addiction as a "monster". It's against who I was before, but as I said, sometimes I feel like the person I once was. Well, at least I think I do. All of the sin in the world is tempting, but my honesty pushes it off.

That's reason number 4.

To be completely honest, someone can make you feel better than others, but no one can ever make you smile everytime. I once wrote, "Everyday I wake up with a certain roll. I wake up with the roll of the girl with the brilliant smile. Everytime I frown or cry, they all walk out of my performance. Everytime I smile, they applaud." My problem is my desire of hearing others applaud rather than have myself be happy with my own performance.

There are never enough reasons.