Its been a while.

I haven't really "blogged" in a while, but this time it wasen't out of sadness of any sort.

This time, it was actually because I felt happy, & I had things to do, things to plan.

Today was my First day of school, & it was great! I honestly feel an amazing year coming my way; perfect timing because this will be my last.

I know I can do this

today:

I tried learning how to ride a bike.

failed.

I'll continue tomorrow..

postsecret

my gallery

There are so many things I wish to just, simply say. I don't expect you, or anyone else for that matter to say anything back, but I just want you to know. I feel as if you don't have an idea. I think that's far too crazy, considering that out of all people I know that you must know what this is like.

I feel like a fool for letting this twist me up. About 2 days ago, I said I wouldn't hold back from telling you or anyone else antyhing anymore.."ever".

I'm trying, I really am. I'm repeatedly telling myself to just cry, I really am. I'm pointing out the negative to fix it to positive, I really am. I prayed, & I feel like praying again, I really do.


It's like, there is a portrait of myself hanging on my wall, my life. At this very moment, that portrait is uncolored; this year I plan on painting it beautifully.

Maybe, just maybe, it'll be worth something..

lovelovelove,

or whatever it is you call it.

juro, y juro, y sigo jurando.

cres que me doy por vencida?

ni lo pienses; eres lo mejor.

Zzz

I replace your name for what I really want to call you...



goodnight

after, a close from today after

So, there are still about 9 months left, but technically 10. It seems like forever from now to be honest, but if this past year went by so darn fast, why shouldn't this year?

I know that as a freshman I sat in the exact same spot that I've come to hate. That exact unfaithful area; off the point. The point is, this year, in just a month, I won't be there as a freshman. I'll be in my seat of tears, listening to the person who once warned us all how fast this would come. Only, this time I won't be the same. This time I won't be missing a complete semester, hell the whole year! Because I can't afford anymore lost time.

I feel so anxious, & really, dreaming about this feeling has been the only thing to make me smile these past few days. I really wouldn't say it's a feeling I'll have in a dream though, because when I dream of a feeling I wake up sad that it can't be reality. Instead, I wake up with a tad of desperation because I know that this will become reality.

It's a big year ahead of me! & I can't believe I'm already thinking about it when I'm practically 10 months away. That feeling though man, of going out there & thinking, "I did it", after working my ass off through my mistakes; I crave for it.

step by step.

I've been thinking, maybe I don't want you to think I'm capable of being happy. The truth is, I should be happy "with or without you", remember?

Today is day #6.
-Take the proper amount of time out?
-Find a way to express my emotions?
-Avoid over analysis?
-Seek closure?
-Accept my new reality?...without you?

I think I'm still stuck in stage 1.

November in early August?

"All these faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand"