2009.

I clearly remember midnight of January 1st, 2009. I was with you, Tony Noriega. That's when I thought I had you forever, that's when I was sure that you were my future.

Until February 16th, my heart was complete. He threw it to raw. I clearly remember feeling weak, and not saying ONE word to anyone; I swore I'd never smile again. I clearly remember not going to class, and going to Mrs. Ruiz's instead, and she'd understand. I remember the Black under my eyes, the panic attacks, and torturing myself with that damn song. I WON'T lie, I STILL can't listen to that damn song, not for love, but disgrace.

I remember you, Ivett, and I won't lie. I remember being lonely, and going to the first person who showed they care; that was you. I wen't in it for the wrong reasons, but you helped. With you, I talked. With you, I actually...smiled. With you, the date 10/23/07 was erased from my mind.

I clearly remember the beginning of senior year, September. I was already feeling the excitment in the air, and the pride of my class! That was such an overwhelming month, so I broke my love; Rudy.

Robert and Sam, they meant something, but NOTHING compared to the one I belong to now, again.

2009 was, amazing. The year that really DID flip my life around. The year that had it all.

2010, I expect great things. Every year, its been my secret personal traditions to cry, just, cry. This year, it'll be my tradition to be someone unrecognizable.

Graduation, work, college, driving, family, friends, Rudy, change.

I can't wait; I promise.

To hell with the wrong, I'm taking in the right.

It's almost time.

Christmas is over, New Years is right around the corner.

It's time to say I think it's fucking annoying, that you're everywhere.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I sware I fucking HATE you.

& I have to live with seeing you, communicating with you, for the sake of a damn dimploma.

I sware, I fucking hate you.
Yes, you.

Keep calling me an idiot

Again, I continue to be in love.

In love with something I killed a couple of months ago.

I won't say a word. I'm done messing with your feelings.

I'd rather swallow mine.

you've never seen any woman like this, you've never met anyone as happy as this

!

Call me an idiot.

I knew, I knew I shouldn't have seen you today.

Now, I continue to be in love,

in love with something I killed months ago.

I just...smile

That song, I can listen to it without grief.

This is unbelieveable.

Wake-up call!

I just noticed how fast this is going. How fast my friends are growing up, people I've known for more than half of my life. Especially, how fast I have to grow up.

Life has presented me a new choice. One that has been offered, but I was too behind. One that has been my dream for 4 years. New York City. I imagine myself as an 18 year old in the big city. My dream. My someday future either way.

The only thing standing in my way is, my career. I'm...lost. Unexplainably lost. I'm sure I'll find something to do, but an 18 year old in the big city, wow. I may sound like a sort loser because I'll be living with my mom either way, but that's all I'll have. Something that has let me down too much before. Where will I run to now?





My friends. Mari, how will I know you're safe in the military?
Michelle, how will I ever hear from you?
Denise, how will I ever see you?

So, what do I do?

I have choices.

I'm back to day 1.

Lonliness...kills. Crying doesn't cure. Happiness doesn't happen. Hope doesn't fade.

People leave, but the ones forced (noticed how I said forced) to remain want to know what's going on.

I won't say a word; I don't even know what's going on.

I'm in desperate (notice how I said desperate) need of help.

God..I'm sorry